Dear Red States:
If you manage to steal this election too we've
decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own
country, and we're taking the other Blue States
with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes
California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington,
Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, Iowa, and all
the Northeast. We believe this split will be
beneficial to the nation, and especially to the
people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and
all the slave states. We get stem cell research
and the best beaches. We get the Statue of
Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85% of America's venture capital and
entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to
make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower
than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of
happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be
pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want
all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you
need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They
have kids they're apparently willing to send to
their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care
if you don't show pictures of their children's
caskets coming home. We do wish you success in
Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're
not willing to spend our resources in Bush's
Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, w e will have firm
control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more
than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the
nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality
wines, 90% of all cheese, 90% of the high tech
industry, 95% of the corn and soybeans (thanks
Iowa!), most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all
living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the
Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal
Tech and MIT.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will
have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans (and
their projected health care costs), 92% of all
U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes,
90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern
Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists,
Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and
the University of Georgia.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
Additional ly, 38 % of those in the Red states
believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale,
62% believe life is sacred unless we're
discussing the war, the death penalty or gun
laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory,
53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of
you crazy bastards believe you are people with
higher morals then we lefties.
Peace out,

--Blue States